Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
