she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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