"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
