so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
