He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
