Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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