Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
false alarm, still single
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