Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think i got beer on your cat.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
