You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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