I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize