You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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