what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
