i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize