she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
