i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
