Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
