It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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