Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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