dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
