i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
