Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
