So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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