they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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