I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
