He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
