Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
