Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We had to coat check the pizza.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
