Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
