ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
