this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize