We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
