i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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