So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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