There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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