the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
