Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
