If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
