But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
