You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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