I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
