I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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