The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
