yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
