I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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