my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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