I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
