They should really pass out barf bags in church
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
