MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
