Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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