i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
