Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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