Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
