my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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