I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
