woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
