I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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