I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
