Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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