oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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