It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
