i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
